There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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