I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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