i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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