Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
