God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
