There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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