Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
