Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this just has baby written all over it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
