your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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