she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
