Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
