there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
