Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
