she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
