So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
did i just pee glitter
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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