Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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