Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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