when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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