went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
