im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
