shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
