I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I AM VODKA MAN
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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