It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
