Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
