i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
