if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
