everyone is single if you try hard enough
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
