wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
