i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
