You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
