ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
