So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
how drunk are you?
Several
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
