Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Everyone says I win the strip club
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
