I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
