the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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