Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
