I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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