he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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