i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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