i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
