I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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