thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
