I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
