Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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