so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
