Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
