Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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