In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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