the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
