pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
