please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
my liver is dry heaving
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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