Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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