M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I want you more than these girls want KFC
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
