i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
